All work and no play

Posted by: Lonely101
08/01/07 at 10:29 am

I hope someone can offer me some advice. I have been going out with a girl for nearly 4 years and living together for 3. The problem is that for the last 12-18 months we have had no meaningful relationship because all she does is work. She has a job that requires long hours and on top of that takes on additional work during evenings and weekends. On top of that she uses all her leave doing yet more freelance work and it is virtually impossible for us to go on holiday together as a result. To put it in perspective I reckon she worked about 350 days last year.

On top of the problem that we never see each other, when we do, she is a complete nervous wreck. She is normally so stressed out about the amount of work she has to do that it is impossible to hold a conversation. I have tried talking to her about these problems but we have very different ways of discussing things. I come from a background where shouting and screaming occasionally is quite healthy and normal whereas she comes from a background where everyone is very quiet and keeps their problems to themselves. When I try to talk about it with her I end up raising my voice and then she gives me the silent treatment for the rest of the day, during which I will end up apologising for shouting. The next morning we will get up and pretend that everything is back to normal.

I think that she has completely forgotten about me and that I come very low in her list of priorities. I feel that my life is on hold waiting for her to have the odd evening or weekend free. I love her to bits, but have given all I have to give. Something needs to radically change. I have no control over her working life and it has become blatantly obvious that for her, work is going to come first. I want to build a life with someone and share experiences - I can’t do that if they are never there. The problem is that I can’t help thinking none of this is her fault and that she is simply doing what she is being asked to do by her employers. She seems pertified of letting anyone down.

Can anyone help? This relationship is turning out to be really lonely.