Cant let go

Posted by: Richard
17/07/07 at 10:36 pm

I recently broke up with my fiance who I'd lived with for 6 years. although we were engaged for 5. I wanted to marry straight away but she wanted to wait until we were living in better conditions without debt and such like. Over the years we had a few arguments some of wich led to actual violent attacks from her to me. I convinced myself that I loved her and was always interested in any reconcilliation. I was the one who asked her to come back after spending weeks appart. In the back of my mind I told myself that anyone,be they male or female ,who hits their partner isnt someone to be with, but I just could not let her go. The last time she hit me I hit her back and she left for good. Weeks passed and eventually I called her. She came to see me and we ended up maintaining a sexual relationship for another month or so. Then just like that it ended. She stopped calling me and I tried to get on with my life. I still miss her but I know that I have to forget her and move on. After everything that we went through together I am mortified that it came to an end the way it did. There were always signs that the relationship was in trouble. I have a problem with the woman I wanted to marry having so many male friends who would call whenever it suited them. she would go out with male friends regularly and it would drive me to madness. We argued about this regularlly but I still stayed with her. I used to have many women who I had sexual relations with and when I met my ex I put those relationships on ice(many I let slip by the wayside) because I thought I needed to show I was serious about her. I was not keeping up relationships that I felt she might find threatening(or any that were threatening) so I took offense to her lack of consideration. Then there were the financial propblems. Soon with all these things happening at once our relationship just nosedived. Now that she's gone(even now I find it hard to accept) I am in worse financial trouble than ever. I am about to loose the home we bought(in my name) and the car and am left will bills that two people were supposed to pay.                                                                                                                

I am fully aware that my relationship is dead but I just havent burried it yet. Only time will tell.