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Desprate houswife
Posted by: Elka
18/04/08 at 1:02 pm
We have been married for 33 years and have two grown up daughters (they do not live with us). Although we live in the same house we have had separate bedrooms, on separate floors for about 9 years now.
We own a 4 bedroom house and a tea shop/café together, although I do not run the business with him anymore due the never-ending arguments and disagreements.
About one month ago I asked my husband for a divorce, for us to go our separate ways and to agree on a financial settlement.
His automatic response, as always was harsh and controlling, insisting it’ll never happen, but since then he has been so inconsistent and is constantly contradicting himself.
Initially he begged me to change my mind, and he still hopes I will as he promises to change etc etc. then realised that that didn’t wash so then became verbally and psychologically abusive so that I back down. He is now adamant that there is no way on earth he will sell the house and has asked for time to raise the capital to pay me off. However I’m found out from my daughters that he’s only stalling me and has no intensions of settling this with me as he thinks I’ve gone mad and will change my mind.
He has threatened to burn everything rather then let me ruin his home, his marriage and his family life and that there is no way he will lose everything that he’s built up through our marriage. Although he forgets WE did it together.
In his opinion I am selfish and in need of medical help…..
I do not know what to do and how to get help and how to protect myself legally and financially. I do not necessarily need to get a divorce as long he is out of my life and have a separate life. I need to live the rest of my life my way, where he cannot control me or threaten me any more.
Unfortunately, I need his financial support as I am almost 62 and not working. I really feel I need to move out and to find separate accommodation, but in order to do so we will need to sell our current home. However as aforementioned this not what he wants and will not agree on anything and hopes if he makes it unbearable and extremely difficult for me that I will eventually change my mind (as I done it in the past numerous times).
Please advice me what is the best way to proceed to get on with my life.
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Re: Desprate houswife
Posted by: Suzanne Kingston, partner, Dawson's Solicitors
28/04/08 at 1:41 pm
Whilst it is possible to have a separation agreement setting out your and your husband’s financial rights and responsibilities without your being divorced, the most comprehensive way of ensuring that your financial position is protected is to have an order sealed by the court in the context of divorce proceedings.
In any application for a financial settlement on divorce (ancillary relief), the court will look at the following factors, in no order of priority:
a) the income, earning capacity, property and other financial resources which each party has, or is likely to have in the foreseeable future, including an increase in earning capacity;
b) the financial needs, obligations and responsibilities which each party has, or is likely to have in the foreseeable future;
c) the standard of living enjoyed by the family before the breakdown of the marriage;
d) the ages of the parties and the length of the marriage;
e) any physical or mental disability of a party to the marriage;
f) the contributions that each party has made, or is likely to make to the welfare of the family, including any contribution by looking after the home or caring for the family;
g) the conduct of the parties, if it would be inequitable to disregard such conduct; and
h) the value to each of the parties to the marriage will lose any benefit which, by reason of the dissolution or annulment of the marriage, that party will lose the benefit of acquiring.
Generally speaking, the longer the marriage, the more likely it is that the assets will be more equally divided.
The court can order capital payments, including pension sharing orders, and maintenance payments to be made.
You should get proper legal advice, which is specific to your circumstances. A good place to look for someone suitable would be from the Resolution website which is an organization of family lawyers. There are also many people that you could speak to for counseling, if you think this would be useful, and your local citizens advice bureau, or Relate may be a good starting point.
