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End of the line?
Posted by: walker34
08/01/07 at 12:52 pm
My wife and I have been married for 25 years and we're considering splitting up.
We have two girls aged 9 and 11 whom we intend to tell as soon as possible, not that they haven't already worked it out. The problem is we both love the house and my disabled father is currently living with us. We both look after him, my wife does the cooking, washing and ironing for him and the family, whilst I do the toileting and medical care. My wife also cares for me as I have a critical ilness. I had thought that now we are deciding to live seperate lives that for the sake of the home, children and my Dad we could still live in the house as neither of us can afford to rent alternative accomodation or sell the house which would mean my Father going into care.
I have suggested, which will no doubt be off the wall, that we still live together to look after the house, children and my Father as neither of us can live on our own in the house the children and my Father. Admittedly, we will be in seperate bedrooms but the day to day running of the house will remain as it did before. I feel as we have made this decision a great weight has been lifted off my shoulder and as I like my wife and get on with her as a friend, we will argue less if we know we are free from the marriage. This would make home life bearable as we are both unhappy and making the children unhappy too.
Has anyone out there come to an arrangement whereby you have seperate accounts and still provide financial provision for my wife and children whilst living in the marital home?
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There is currently 1 reply.
Re: End of the line?
Posted by: Marriageman
08/01/07 at 7:40 pm
How intriguing!
Divorce as we all know only ends the legal relationship - lot's of other aspects continue - the responsibilities of parenting, the financial provision in some form or another, even the requirement to relate sensibly so practical arrangements can continue.
What is it about severing the legal aspects of marriage that you think will be freeing? You talk about having separate bedrooms (presumably a euphemism for the fact that you won't have an active sexual relationship) - how will you handle the niceties when one or other of you brings home a partner for the night? Who explains what to the kids at this point?
There is an alternative - to take a good hard look at what it is in the current relationship that isn't working, and fix it. After all, you lved each other enough to make a commitment for life when you got married! Is your maind now so closed that the possibility of being both married and happy is completely ruled out?? 75% of couples who do work through their problems say within 5 years that they are satisfied, or very satisfied , with their relationship. Do you relally want to close out this possibility??
Dave the Marriageman
