I really love my husband, about a week ago he decided that he wasn't happy and that we should divorce, basically. I can't understand why he does this. This isn't the first time he's left me. He leaves over regular arguements and takes them to the extreme. Last time he left he stayed with family for a month or two, then came back begging me to work it out, like he has the past 5 times. He gets really angry and fed up over regular things, then turns on me and says everything he can to hurt me and he leaves. The last time i got as far as getting a lawyer, because that time he put his hands on me in anger (not hit, but left red marks). I was scared and called the police, they arrested him on the spot, i wasnt aware i had marks on me or that would happen. So he said it was my fault that he went to jail and basically that the whole thing happened, which seems to be his excuse everytime he leaves, i said something that set him off. This time he quickly got his own apartment, and moved out. Theres no discussing it with him, he just tries to convince me that the bad in our relationship is enough reason to divorce. Then a couple months later he ends up saying he wont do it again and we'll be together forever, everything you want to hear. But it turns out to be a broken promise. Im wondering if theres something wrong with him mentally or if hes just too young and doesnt know how to have a relationship. I know that i cant wait for him to come back or change his mind this time, i cant let him keep doing this to me and i have a daughter to consider. Is it wrong of me to turn him down if he does try to come back? Its really hard to cope with this. I also don't know how stabile he is to be around my daughter alone, in the past he's left and in that time used drugs, cheated, and been in a mental institution for PTSD and other things. Also, his history of leaving. Is there something i need to do to protect my daughter?
This is a repeat pattern for him and after reading your post I see no chance of change in him. He has been able to get away with this behavior and you continue to take him back. You must believe you are better than that! I had a fiance who did the same thing and guess what? After 2 and a half years he packed up, moved out and 3 months later is starting to realize it was a mistake. 3 months may not seem like a long time but it was long enough for me to realize I don't want someone to come in and out of my life because they have issues. Let them work them out.....it is NOT OUR FAULT!
I would love to hear that you took the approach of letting him go. I understand you have a daughter and you need to look out for her and in turn will always have a connection with him but it doesn't have to be as a relationship. YOU deserve more than for a guy to do this to you. He has issues and he needs to work them out. Right now I see the change needs to come from him and it will take more than a couple of months to make that happen.
Keep you chin up, stay strong and live for you and your daughter....not for him. You define yourself.....no one else!
The end of a relationship and a divorce normally includes experiencing a wide array of emotions, which can include grief, anger, relief, pain, confusion, gratification-seeking, indignation, depression, anxiety, happiness, hopelessness, loss, neediness, frustration, attention-getting, withdrawal, loneliness, lifelessness, negativity, and more. If you are experiencing some or all of these emotions, then congratulations — it means you are normal. Divorce is one of those times in life when professional counseling is a very wise investment, because of the intensity and wide range of emotions.
He sounds like a narcissistic emotional abuser. Emotional abuse often escalates and ALWAYS precedes physical violence.
Either a) take him back on the proviso that you're both to attend therapy, that that therapy will entail detailed behavioural changes that he'll have to stick to or b) do yourself a favour, save yourself the heartache and leave him to his own devices. Don't let your self-esteem and worth be battered in the process. Also, try reading "Why does he do that" by Lundy Bancroft and "The nice girl syndrome" by Beverly Engel.
It’s never easy when a marriage or other significant relationship ends. Whatever the reason for the split – and whether or not you wanted it – the breakup of a long-term, committed relationship can turn your whole world upside down and trigger all sorts of painful and unsettling feelings. But there are things you can do to get through this difficult time. Recovering from a breakup or divorce is difficult. However, it’s important to know (and to keep reminding yourself) that you can and will move on. But healing takes time, so be patient with yourself. Ask a Divorce Lawyer about this, they know the best advice for you.
