Advanced Search

Forums

Getting over it?

Posted by: olil
14/04/07 at 10:57 am

Just over two years ago my husband told me that he didn't love me any more. I'd started the conversation by saying that we couldn't carry on as we were. He just didn't join in with family life, had no friends, was on the computer till all hours. He claimed we no longer have anything in common and that I'm more interested in my kids, my dogs, work and friends when the reality is that they're what kept me going as he withdrew more and more.

For ten long months we "tried to fix" the marriage, going privately to marriage guidance, trying to do more together etc. It didn't work and after a great deal of trauma, and begging him not to on my part, he left.

We get on well, he spends time with our daughter and we did "family stuff" as well. Then in February this year his internet girlfriend arrived from the USA to live with him! I'd known about her for over a year but from things he's let slip and my working things out it's obvious that she's been in the background for almost 3 years and he's lied all that time.

The more time goes on the more I realise how blind I was. So to summarise: he cheated on me, lied about it, tried to make me feel that I was at fault. BUT I still think about him and imagine about us getting back together. His girlfriend is here on a student visa but not studying, I want to alert the authorities but know that that won't get him back.

I know that in so many ways I'm better off without the man he is now. So why do I still waste so much time hurting myself thinking about him? How can I get past this stage? I go out with friends and have a wonderful family (both mine and his). My life is full, and fruitful yet I'm still obsessed with a man who treated me badly after two years. Help!

Want to reply? Register today to use the forum!

Report Post Report this post

There are currently 4 replies.

Re: Getting over it?

Posted by: olil
14/04/07 at 7:11 pm

Forgot to mention - I'm 50 and she's 33! my self-esteem can't get much lower!

Report Post Report this post

Re: Getting over it?

Posted by: Miss Shazza
15/04/07 at 10:59 pm

Alert the authorities for a start!! Why should he get away with anything? Much less the slapper who thinks it's fine to make a move on someone else's man. Certainly don't make it easy for him, he has betrayed you terribly and deserves no consideration from you. I am just waiting for evidence that my son in law has cheated on my daughter and I will do everything I can to make his life as difficult as possible.Briefly, he married her last year, she lost their 1st baby and a couple of months later he told her he wanted out of the marriage. She's devastated as she adores him, they just had their 1st anniversary and also the day the baby was due and he never even texted her. Says he's "not happy" anymore and ran home to mum. She's 27 and young enough to start again, and you are too, you know. Try to focus on all the bad times he gave you when you miss him and you may start feeling angry instead of sad. And remember, if she will do it with him she will do it TO him, and then he'll be the heartbroken one. Do you have support with family and friends? It's the only thing that's keeping my daughter sane so take advantage if you can. Good luck

Report Post Report this post

Re: Getting over it?

Posted by: olil
17/04/07 at 9:41 pm

Yes both families are great, and lots of good friends who tell me all the time that I can do much better. I also know that BUT don't want it. I want back the life I thought I had! This is the bit where I'm stuck - my head knows exactly what's what but my heart seems to be about a year behind. I still cry fairly regularlyabout it all and can't see any future that doesn't involve us getting back together. Stupid eh?

Report Post Report this post

Re: Getting over it?

Posted by: ryan
18/04/07 at 5:43 pm

you are not stupid at all. im in the same situation.although i am the cheater. im stuck in the same position that you are in, i cant see past the hear and now. i dont believe in any other future either although there cant be that future that i want. i dont think you need people to tell you what to do or not to do, i think you just need to express your feelings and ride it out. im sure the light at the end of the tunnel is not an oncomming train and its sure to get better eveentually. i may be paying dearly and deservedly for what i have done, but for you its different. you will go through a whole series of emotions, i think its just the stages you have to go through when something like this happens, get through the stages,well for me, is the hardest part of it all.

Report Post Report this post