I just lost the love of my life

Posted by: Paul
22/07/08 at 10:53 am

I think that I may have posted this on the wrong part of the forum so this is a repeat of my post in wellbieng.

My wife of 7 years and partner for 12 yrs wants to separate. I am devastated. She has been my rock and an inspiation at times when i neded someone. It looks like that was too much for her to give. She has been planning this for over 3 months and was waiting until a certain point in my career to give me the news. I was aware of her being cold and unloving for the last 3 months but I was so in deep with my training for a new career (teaching) that I just let it go and now its too late. She has been confiding in an old friend who lives 300 miles away and using him as a sounding board, she poured her heart out to him whilst on genuine family business is Spain, this has now developed into her actively pursuing him but i believe her when she says that it has not gone 'all the way' but it is only a matter of time. I am trying to get the flashbacks of discussions we have had, and my imagination is working over time out of my head.  She went to france today for 10 days with our daughter visiting family friends and when she returns they are off to scotland for 3 weeks which is where her 'sounding board' lives. I know they will spend time together but she assures me that they are at the very early stages and regardless of whether this works or not, she wants no more to do with me. I wish she had lied to me, I could have coped better, but yes, its all about me, my feelings, my training, and that is the crux of the matter. If there is anything that I have learned from this it that if you think that something is going wrong, deal with it. She said it was too little too late and she was right. How can you put ANYTHING before the love of your life? I must be mad .I had warning signs years ago  we had the 'shape up' discussions I largely ignored them and thought everything would work out, and you can only have so many of those conversations before you gve up, and she did, for good. And the job? the teacher training which took my time from 7am to 11pm 6 days a week and being a couch potato on day 7, well i didnt qualify, I have to do another term doing a job which I now thouroughly resent for diverting me from my love. I am in the house without and money and few friends who I can talk frankly to, yes a few know aboutthe seperation but no-one knows about 'sounding board'. There is an old saying we used in my days as a salesman, which kept repeating itself last week in my head, "if your not wooing your woman, somebody else is" not only is this true, but she said it to me yesterday on my final attempt to torture myself more with details about her future plans with this man. She has had advice and guidence from close friends, I only wish ONE of them had sat me down and slapped some action in to me, there was always something more important than the most important person in my life, what a fool I have been.