Marriage to a Miser

Posted by: bright eyes
12/04/07 at 4:24 pm

Why am I in such an emotional muddle when everything should be so clear?  I am at Nisi stage of divorce after nearly 40 years of marriage to a miser.  As if that wasn't a bad enough life, he has recently told me that the marriage has never worked and never will because we have always been totally different people as, in his own words, he "doesn't want to be accountable to anyone, call me selfish if you like, but that's what I am", an attitude very apparent throughout our marriage.  I began the divorce proceedings 4 years ago after meeting and falling in love with a wonderful man, but he unfortunately died very suddenly and without warning 2 years ago, just a 3 weeks after my husband and I had finally agreed a settlement which meant I could proceed to Absolute.  TheIt had taken me a long time to finally exricate myself from the controlling behaviour of my husband, but now I find I have a irrational fear of going it alone which is getting in the way of me moving on which I know is what I want to do.  I find myself constantly trying to engage him in dialogue in the hope that I can persuade him to change just a tiny bit and be less miserly and selfish and therefore we could see if we could find a way of making it work a second time.  The article  by Judith Wood could have been written by me - she scored 10/10 for describing my husband, and it was her article which has led me to this site.  Anyone any experiences of life with a miser, and how they have managed to move forward from their controlling strangle hold?