Re: NOT a Divorce

Posted by: TCW
28/06/09 at 11:02 pm

Hey,

I ended up leaving my partner of 7 years and whilst he was really upset and said he really wanted things to work, I found he was reluctant to take any definite steps.

My advice would be:

1) Sincere communication. There must have been a reason why she married you, so find out what's changed in that time. Try not to get angry / upset / desperate with her. It is only fair you find out how she's feeling (even though it may hurt).

2) Think of what you could possibly do to get things back to how they were. Did you used to be more romantic? Did you used to go out more together? Are there other things that may have interfered - family / friends / work to not make you each other's priority?

3) If you really, really want her back (and think hard about this as she may cheat again) then it is all out war between you and the other guy. Buy her presents. Take her out to amazing places. Remind her of all the great times you had, including your wedding and honeymoon. Try not to use guilt though, just make her think of the good times.

4) If you do find yourself becoming close again, it is vital you find out why she cheated and solve it. Try relationship counselling asap. Although we split up, we did go to Relate counselling and it was sadly too little, too late but I wish we'd gone years before to sort out underlying issues before they grew too big.

Hope this helps. Best of luck.