What have I done?

Posted by: Bev
05/09/07 at 9:37 pm

I was married for 12 years, most of them unhappily.  My husband wasn't violent, cruel or unfaithful. He is a brilliant Dad and was my rock when our first child was still born 10 years ago.  But we still drifted apart, and when I left taking our two children with me    last June, he was devastated.  However, we are starting to move on. We are both now in rented accomodation.  He sees the children almost everyday, looking after them in the evenings when i go to work, I cook his evening meal and he spends time with our daughters.  He also sees them most weekends and they have adapted extraordinarily well to the changes.  Tonight however, I have hit my first real issue and I feel devastated.  We have had to sell the family home and will still be left with £8000 worth of debt (  our financial situation was something I found unbearable and contributed to the spilt).  My step father generously agreed to pay this for us so that we could both start again.  To show my appreciation, I wrote a hearfelt letter to my parents, thanking them for all the support, help and advice. I openend up and was honest and told them that I could begin to see light at the end of the tunnel and that there was someone else in the background.  But that I needed space and time to heal, so was in no rush to start telling anyone else about this possible new relationship.  My step father completely lost control. he told me it was too soon to be seeing anyone else, that i should put the children first at all times.  He said that i withheld this information until after i had received the money, and therefore had been deceptive and dishonest.  This was not my intention at all. I have been protective and discreet for the sake of my childen, my ex husband and myself.  I don't want a string of boyfriends, but I do want some happiness.  But it seems that I should not be entitled to this.  My step father has been very ill and I am terrified that this will prove too much for him and the stress could have huge implications on his health.  He was a powerful man in his working life.  he has two grown up sons who he never sees and 5 grandchildren that he has never met, they chose, for whatever reason to distance themselves from each other.  He is incredibly generous, but if I'm unable to see anyone else, how can I ever move on?  I may as well of stayed in my miserable marriage.