Divorce can be a traumatic experience but the sooner you can start feeling good about yourself again, the more open you’ll be to the opportunities for happiness that may seem hidden right now. Words: Eve Menezes Cunningham.


1) Spend some time figuring out how you feel about things
Do you ever think that if only you were more like your brother/mum/best friend you’d be handling everything effortlessly? What has worked for them – even if they’ve been through a similar divorce – will rarely be the answer for you. No matter how well intentioned people’s advice is, your best bet is to pay attention to your own inner wisdom. While it’s great to have people you can call at 3am, spend some time getting in touch with your own feelings and strength. Pause a few times a day to silently ask yourself “How do I feel right now?” It may be furious/angry/betrayed/miserable/lonely/heartbroken or terrified. But soon you’ll begin to notice that these emotions aren’t the only ones you will experience. More positive ones like excited/free/strong/loved and determined will start to come through, too, and force the scarier ones to retreat.

2) List all the people who love you
Some people only find out how important they are to so many people by going through a painful experience like divorce. It doesn’t matter whether they’re local or on the other side of the world. Being aware of the people who uplift you when you speak to them or read their emails and letters will help you make more time for them. Keep their cards and notes of support in a place where you’ll come across them several times a day. Bask in their love and support.
 
3) Imagine what will help you feel better about yourself right now
Reading biographies and novels about people who’ve triumphed over adversity, watching uplifting films and listening to great music can act as an instant pick-me-up and help lift a dark mood. There’s no quicker way to feel more positive and put your worries back into perspective.
Now, use this boost to bring your focus back to your life. Think about all your achievements. Grab a notebook and list everything from a promotion at work to good grades at school, starring in a play to shooting the winning goal, raising phenomenal kids to learning how to recreate that complicated recipe... On some days, simply getting up and going to work or getting the kids off to school will feel overwhelming. So when you’ve done it, add it to your list!

4) Take time to think about the things you’re grateful for
Sarah Ban Breathnach popularised this amazingly simple and effective technique. All you have to do is list the things (even just three a day, to start) that made you happy. Did something your kid do bring a smile to your face? Getting an interview for that job/new client? A lovely card from a friend? Seeing a rainbow? Actively looking out for things to be happy about will help you shift your focus to joy and happiness.

5) What’s the best way for you to move forward?
Now may not be the best time to make big changes but give some thought to your future. If your dreams feel too far out of your reach, ask yourself what baby steps you can take. List your next three steps and keep moving forward. To motivate you, spend a few minutes each day imagining how great this new life you’re moving towards will feel. Put as much detail into it as possible and make notes as other steps you can take crop up.

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