There is life after divorce… and a very happy one at that. Cora Lydon spoke to the experts to find out how to regain your independence following a separation.

There’s nothing like a divorce to knock your confidence. All of a sudden you’re on your own – and that means doing all those jobs that your partner used to do, as well as rediscovering your place among your friends and family as a single person.

“One of the main reasons that people find it hard to adapt to life after separation is usually due to a lack of belief in your own abilities,” says Suzie Hayman, author of Moving on – breaking up without breaking down (£9.99, Vermilion).

Indeed, how you handle your emotions after divorce can go a long way to boosting your confidence and independence. If you struggle to get over past events and cling to the marriage it makes it hard for anyone to move on. Instead of enjoying your new found freedom, you can end up rushing into the first relationship available (whether with friends, family or a new partner) in order to replace what you have lost. Resist the temptation and instead look forward to a new, independent lifestyle. Here’s how…

1. Talk it over. “Some people bury their feelings, but we have found that the best way to deal with a divorce is to talk to someone who is patient, objective, impartial and a good listener,” says Mo Kurimbokus, a counsellor for Relate (www.relate.org.uk). “Remember that divorce is a process and not a single event. It’s like bereavement so allow yourself time to grieve. Until you have fully accepted your divorce you will struggle to become the independent person you dream of.”

2. Do something that makes you happy every single day. For many people, it may be the first time since marrying that you’ve been able to do whatever you wish, without having to consider someone else. Whether you fancy lying in bed until noon, cutting your hair off or jumping on a train to a place you’ve always wanted to visit – just do it!

3. Further your education. Think about taking a college class in something practical to gain skills in areas that your partner may have always taken care of. If it’s been a while since you’ve been in the kitchen sign up for a cookery course, or if your partner was always tinkering under the car bonnet, then you could join an auto class. As well as giving you a massive confidence boost you’ll also make some new friends who know you without a partner in tow, and you won’t have to rely on anyone to undertake practical tasks for you.