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QUIZ Is your relationship really over?

29 January 2007

Quiz relationship overEverybody’s relationship has its sticky moments. But how can you tell whether it really is the end?

1.  You spend less time together than you used to because:

a) It’s good to spend ‘you’ time with your friends
b) You hardly talk with your partner anyway, you just watch TV together
c) You end up fighting over the same old stuff

2.  Your sex life has dwindled because:

a) The initial excitement has gone, it’s more like a companionable, affectionate routine now
b) You’re more like sister and brother than lovers 
c) You often feel so hurt, neglected or angry that you can’t face making love 

3.  You’ve stopped hanging on your partner’s every word because:

a) You know how their mind works and you can often finish their sentences for them
b) You’ve heard some of their stories so many times you could scream
c) You catch yourself finding fault with almost everything they say and the way that they say it

4.  Now that the initial romance has worn off, you feel that:

a) On balance, you’ve got a good partner and, if appropriate, fellow parent
b) When you compare your partner to your friends’ partners they don’t always measure up 
c) Their behaviour towards you and/or your children can be damaging or unacceptable

5.  The idea of growing old and grey together:

a) Still sounds good
b) Leaves you wondering whether ‘is that all there is?’
c) Increasingly strikes fear into your heart. You find yourself thinking: “if it’s like this now, what on earth will it be like in the future?”

6.  When you look at your partner you

a) Feel a rush of fondness
b) Feel a rush of anxiety or irritation; they are growing into the mother or father you never really liked right in front of your eyes 
c) Find yourself thinking that you don’t really know or like the face that is staring back at you

So, is your relationship really over?

Mostly “A’s”. There’s a lot of genuine affection in the relationship. It could well go the distance, but it’s time to think how you can liven it up. Too much cosy routine can lead to you living your relationship on autopilot, and from there it is only a short step to boredom.   

Mostly “B’s”.
Your relationship is not dead. But it’s not flourishing either.  At this point you need to ask yourself a few hard questions like:
•    Do I really want to be in this relationship?
•    What am I prepared to put into this relationship?
•    What do I expect my partner to put into this relationship?
•    What do we both want our relationship to look like?
•    What small steps can we both start taking today, and keep taking, in order to create a relationship that will sustain us both?

All or mostly “C’s”. Your relationship is essentially dead in the water. Your relationship is broken. It won’t work. But you can fix yourself. You can go on, learn the lessons, invest in a loving, respectful relationship with yourself and    you will create much better relationships in the future. Trust in yourself. Trust in time. You can, at least, offer yourself the gift of a happier future. 

InsideDivorce.com recommends
Dr Annie Kaszina Ph.D. is a relationship expert who specialises in helping people break out of the pattern of bad relationships, overcome the ‘disease to please’ and build strong self-worth.
For more help with marriage problems and your relationship read articles in our relationship section.
©Quiz by Annie Kaszina 2007