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Ten ways to put the sex factor back in your relationship
14 February 2007
Has your sex has fallen to the bottom of your “to do” list of late? We’ve asked the best sex and relationship experts around to let us in on the secrets of a great love life.
1. Go back to basics. Knowing what you like and sticking to it isn’t a bad thing, so if you’re not comfortable performing sexual acrobatics, you mustn’t feel under pressure to do so. “Think of the missionary position and foreplay for example,” says Francis Deacon, a sex and relationship expert at CupidBay.com. “The key is to have sex lovingly: eye contact and slow measured breathing will guarantee deeper pleasure and sexual fulfillment.”
2. Sexual healing. “Sensual touch is so important in a relationship,” says Julia Gash, founder of lingerie and erotic lifestyle store Gash (www.gash.co.uk). “When we touch each other we release oxytocin, which reduces our stress levels and makes us feel more sexy. Try erotic massage using aromatherapy oils containing aphrodisiac properties such as jasmine, ylang ylang and rose. Synchronise your breathing with your partner and concentrate your massage on his or her erogenous zones – breasts, buttocks and back of the neck, using light to firm pressure. Erotic massage should not be seen as foreplay but as a wonderful sensual experience in itself.” Just don’t fall asleep immediately afterwards.
3. Ditch the sex. “It sounds weird but it can help your sex life,” says Denise Knowles, a relationship/family counsellor and sex therapist for Relate. “People get stuck in a rut if they perform sex by numbers – it’s so predictable and both parties know exactly what’s going to happen and how it’s going to end. By exploring each others bodies without it having to lead to intercourse, you are taking the pressure off the situation and you both might start to enjoy it more.”
4. Get connected. “People are constantly growing (emotionally), so take the time to check in and get to know your mate beyond the basics,” says Brenda Della Casa, a top US dating and relationship expert and author of Cinderella was a Liar! (www.cinderellawasaliar.com). “Set aside a special evening once a week when you both can get out of your natural surroundings and focus on one another. Go for dinner, take a walk or just meet for a glass of wine after work. Great sex starts with great communication and the more connected and in tune with your partner you feel, the more you'll want to express that connection physically.”
5. Flirt. “It may seem silly to flirt with someone to whom you've been married for years but flirting can be the first step to putting passion back into your sex life,” says Deacon. “Be affectionate in public, give compliments and laugh at his/her jokes. The key to flirting with your husband or wife is to try and think like a single person again.”
1. Go back to basics. Knowing what you like and sticking to it isn’t a bad thing, so if you’re not comfortable performing sexual acrobatics, you mustn’t feel under pressure to do so. “Think of the missionary position and foreplay for example,” says Francis Deacon, a sex and relationship expert at CupidBay.com. “The key is to have sex lovingly: eye contact and slow measured breathing will guarantee deeper pleasure and sexual fulfillment.”
2. Sexual healing. “Sensual touch is so important in a relationship,” says Julia Gash, founder of lingerie and erotic lifestyle store Gash (www.gash.co.uk). “When we touch each other we release oxytocin, which reduces our stress levels and makes us feel more sexy. Try erotic massage using aromatherapy oils containing aphrodisiac properties such as jasmine, ylang ylang and rose. Synchronise your breathing with your partner and concentrate your massage on his or her erogenous zones – breasts, buttocks and back of the neck, using light to firm pressure. Erotic massage should not be seen as foreplay but as a wonderful sensual experience in itself.” Just don’t fall asleep immediately afterwards.
3. Ditch the sex. “It sounds weird but it can help your sex life,” says Denise Knowles, a relationship/family counsellor and sex therapist for Relate. “People get stuck in a rut if they perform sex by numbers – it’s so predictable and both parties know exactly what’s going to happen and how it’s going to end. By exploring each others bodies without it having to lead to intercourse, you are taking the pressure off the situation and you both might start to enjoy it more.”
4. Get connected. “People are constantly growing (emotionally), so take the time to check in and get to know your mate beyond the basics,” says Brenda Della Casa, a top US dating and relationship expert and author of Cinderella was a Liar! (www.cinderellawasaliar.com). “Set aside a special evening once a week when you both can get out of your natural surroundings and focus on one another. Go for dinner, take a walk or just meet for a glass of wine after work. Great sex starts with great communication and the more connected and in tune with your partner you feel, the more you'll want to express that connection physically.”
5. Flirt. “It may seem silly to flirt with someone to whom you've been married for years but flirting can be the first step to putting passion back into your sex life,” says Deacon. “Be affectionate in public, give compliments and laugh at his/her jokes. The key to flirting with your husband or wife is to try and think like a single person again.”
